Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
