I can feel you judging me through the phone.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I could fuck to npr.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
