The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
