Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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