arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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