And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
