he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
