Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
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