I've blown a few things in my day
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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