if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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