I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
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