dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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