well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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