And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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