you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We got so high we made milksteak
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
