You're earring is so big in my mouth
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
