ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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