I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
jump out the window naked night went bad
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