there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
