dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
