Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
