Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize