Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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