i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
