I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
