I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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