I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
