so that wasnt chicken after all
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My penis needs a shock collar
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
