Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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