I'm pants shitting drunk right now
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
