I want to walk on stilts...naked
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
