Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize