Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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