Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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