I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
