Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
