my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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