Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
