Your dad touched me again.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
