Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
