after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
