these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
