According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
