I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
