would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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