Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
