There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
