she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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