well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
But theres a keg here and me gusta
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
