I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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